Raising teenagers is like riding a roller-coaster through a theme park of unpredictable emotions, unpredictable behaviour, and an eye-rolling soundtrack. It’s a stage of parenthood where you might wonder, “Did I sign up for this”? Your ‘once-sweet’ children transformed into hormonal tornadoes with a remarkable ability to devour the cupboard in one sitting; you’ll realise that parenting teenagers are a unique adventure.

Raising teenagers is also an exhilarating and rewarding chapter in the grand journey of parenthood. It’s a phase where you witness your once-dependent children blossom into independent, thoughtful, and unique individuals capable of shaping their own destinies. While this period certainly brings its share of challenges, it’s also a time of immense joy, growth, and shared experiences. The adolescent years are when you get a front-row seat to the development of character, values, and dreams as your teenagers explore the world and discover their passions. Remember, we were all teenagers once!

In this article, we’ll explore the positive aspects of raising a teenager and strategies we can implement to make it a remarkable journey of nurturing the future generation and cherishing the moments that make it all worthwhile.

Let’s delve into it.

1. ONLY OFFER ADVICE WHEN THEY ARE OPEN TO IT

Watching your teenagers battle their difficulties as a parent is difficult, especially when you know you can help. After all, you’ve been through a lot more ‘been there, done that and got the T-shirt to prove it’. If they would only listen to you, you could simply offer them the solutions they need. You want to help your teenagers become successful and responsible adults who live meaningful lives.

Nevertheless, they are in the process of discovering their own unique identities. They are in the process of developing their own worldviews and learning from their failed attempts. You can still guide and coach your teenagers if they are open to it. However, try to listen more and speak less. Even as adults, we often desire to be heard and have our feelings acknowledged. Even if you believe you know what is best for your child, avoid forcing your point of view on them; this will often worsen the situation.

If you listen rather than lecture, they will be more inclined to share their views, feelings and emotions with you (without the harsh attitude). Involve your teenagers in the process of establishing rules if you want them to respect boundaries. If you do this, they will realise that you also value and respect their thoughts and ideas. Instead of offering advice, encourage their critical thinking skills, for example, how do you think this will influence your/our current situation, or what do you think will happen if…

2. SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES TOGETHER

The boundaries should be reasonable to everyone in the household. This does not mean you’re not letting your teenagers walk all over you; instead, you’re listening to their concerns and working together to establish healthy and reasonable boundaries. Ensure that the boundaries apply to you as the parent as much as possible – within reason. When the rules also apply to the parents, children are more likely to follow through as there is a sense of accountability for the whole family. Compliment and praise them for their efforts and achievements; even if it’s not ‘up to your standards’, a little praise can go a long way. Be intentional about recognising their strengths, whether big or small.SMART Goals should be… Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant andTime-bound

3. PROMOTE CRITICAL THINKING AND AUTONOMY

Do you recall that small child who craved your attention and relied on you for nearly everything? Unfortunately, we cannot keep them little forever; therefore, the process of producing self-sufficient adults begins right now. Teenagers frequently believe that their lives are out of their hands and that their freedom is constantly being restricted. They’re figuring out who they are, but they’re often dissatisfied by their lack of freedom. This can result in a lot of conflict, frustration and undesired behaviour.

Going through puberty is the most awkward stage of their lives. Teens are exposed to some tremendous external and internal problems during this period. They must deal with hormonal changes, puberty, social and parental demands, work and school pressures, and the list goes on. A teenager’s viewpoint or decisions will influence their self-esteem and confidence. Family life and parental criticism have an impact on most young people’s ability to cultivate healthy self-esteem.

Making respect a mutual virtue will help to strengthen the link between parents and children. So, whenever possible, offer your teens independence. This may include sacrificing minor details (such as a hairdo or fashion decision), but in return, you’ll have a greater capacity for the things that matter most. Try to let your teen have the last say in most aspects of their lives, such as which subjects to study, which activities to participate in, and how to complete a project.

4. QUALITY TIME- MAKE THOSE MOMENTS COUNT

It may appear that your teenagers do not want to spend time with you, and whatever you do or say may upset them. Your teenagers desire your love and support even if they don’t express it. If their other siblings, your work, or your hobbies appear more important to you than they are, they may begin to feel overlooked. If they continue to feel this way, their behaviour may worsen. Be intentional about spending quality time together and ensure he or she is available then.

Use these occasions to demonstrate that you care for their teen’s interests and hobbies; for example, if they enjoy fishing, plan a day out and go fishing, organise a pampering day or simply have a coffee and talk about life. Over time, your teen’s confidence and self-esteem will improve, and so will the parent-teen relationship. Quality time does not have to be expensive. Also, avoid lecturing or nagging during this quality time – it should be something you both look forward to!

5. YOU’RE NOT THE TARGET

When it comes to dealing with adolescent attitudes, it’s easy to feel like you’re not doing a good job. You are committed to helping your teenagers take ownership of their lives so they can grow up to be successful, happy adults. But all your teenagers do is grumble, disagree with you, and challenge your authority. You might think to yourself, “He/she hates me.” But that’s rarely the case.

Their brains are changing, and they’re learning to express their heightened emotions while discovering their identity. Mood swings are a common aspect of adolescence. Your child’s emotions may get stronger and more intense

during puberty. Their mood may shift more frequently, quickly, and unpredictably. They might experience strong emotions that they have never felt before. It is common for a teenager to be confused, scared or angry for no apparent reason.

Their brains are maturing, and they are figuring out how to communicate their intense feelings while also figuring out who they are. That’s a lot for a young person to handle! I’m not saying you ought to tolerate bad behaviour. However, if you recognise that their attitude is not a personal attack on you, it will be easier to connect with your child clearly and effectively. As a result, you’re more likely to get your teenager to listen to you.

6. KEEP CALM

After dinner, you politely ask that your daughter wash the dishes. She becomes angry and says she doesn’t want to; she goes to her room and slams the bedroom door. Your frustration grows, and you start lecturing her. How else are you supposed to deal with such an adolescent attitude? Of course, being rude or disrespectful is never appropriate or acceptable.

Having said that, losing your temper will only aggravate the situation, as your teenager may become defensive or shut down. This approach hardly results in a positive and meaningful conversation. Take a few deep breaths, and don’t lose your cool. Stay calm. Take a few deep breaths when you feel you are about to lose your cool. Walk away and take some time out to emotionally regulate. Acting in anger often results in saying unnecessary and hurtful things. Maintain a monotone tone of speech and avoid yelling. – even if it feels like you are going to explode. Once both of you are in a calmer place, you can talk about what happened.

Remember, the problem is the problem; the person is not the problem. For example, the problem is that you need some help around the house. Avoid terms such as ‘you always, or ‘you never’; be specific. Use words such as ‘I feel hurt when’ or ‘I am frustrated when this happens; using directive words like ‘you’ can often aggravate the situation as it is perceived as blame-shifting and not taking responsibility for what happened.

7. BUILD THEIR CONFIDENCE

You want to help your teens develop healthy lifelong habits. So, your natural response would be to offer constructive criticism. You tell your teens to study more, clean up after themselves, eat healthier, and limit their screen time. While you’re encouraging your teenagers to become more responsible, don’t forget to compliment them!

According to research, recognising positive behaviour in adolescents enhances identity formation and moral reasoning. I recommend practising descriptive praise instead of evaluative praise. For example, praise them sincerely and honestly. Be specific and descriptive. Praise their efforts and the process, not just their achievement or ability. Avoid praise for easy tasks or over-praise. Be spontaneous. Avoid manipulative and conditional praise. Avoid comparing them to their sibling or friends; we are all unique and have our own set of strengths and abilities, and doing this will only create a new set of problems. Implementing these strategies will reinforce positive behaviour, boost your teen’s self-confidence, and support long-term success habits. Plus, you’ll have more peace in your household, leading to fewer conflicts between you and your teens.

In conclusion, knowing how to handle teenage behaviour can be stressful and exhausting; it is indeed a roller-coaster ride. However, there is always hope; start applying small changes and keep on persevering. As time goes on, relationships will improve, and your family life will become more harmonious.